Happy Easter!

Last night Kaanas and I got our apartment set up with Easter baskets (really simple, just a chocolate bunny, one special treat each, and a few plastic eggs with chocolates) and hid some plastic eggs (with the same chocolate) around our living room (by hid, I mean put around in plain sight so a young toddler could find them).  When Kaanas got home from working the night shift we brought Mingli out to the living room, showed him the baskets, and showed him how to put the eggs in the baskets.  He had a lot of fun gathering the eggs, until he discovered there was chocolate in them, then he just wanted to open them and eat the chocolate.  He was a little upset when we only let him have 1 piece of chocolate and a bite of his chocolate bunny. After our egg hunt and breakfast we called my parents and then watched some Christ centered shows.  It was really a nice, relaxing morning.

Church was pretty hard today.  I was really excited about the lesson I was teaching, and I had come up with some ideas that I thought the children would like.  I did feel like the lesson went really well, and that the children were able to feel the importance of what was being taught and able to feel the spirit.  The only problem was that I was feeling horrible sick all through church, and since Kaanas worked last night and again tonight he was sleeping, so I was teaching alone.  I really wasn’t sure I was going to make it all the way through, but I did.

When we got home we woke up Kaanas and went outside to take Easter pictures.  I think we got some cute ones, and I am excited to send them out to family.  We didn’t have anyone to take a family picture of us, so I set the camera on a picnic table and set it to record.  We recorded ourselves for about 30 seconds, and I am going to go back and take pictures from that video.

In my family our traditional Easter dinner is foods that Christ ate during his life, specifically ones mentioned in the scriptures.  We have fish, mini bread loves and honey, olives, figs, and grape juice.  I loved that tradition, but Kaanas hates fish, so we have been trying to work out a new Easter dinner tradition.  This year we went ahead and had ham and potatoes.  Kaanas cooked it,  because I was really not feeling well.  I was really happy that I was actually able to eat it, but then I wasn’t able to keep all of it down.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter!

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So quite a bit has happened the last few months.

First, I started working part time as a cashier at Home Depot.  Kaanas and I decided that we needed just a little bit of additional income, so I am working 2 evenings a week.  I work while Kaanas is home so he can watch Mingli, that way we don’t need childcare.  It was a bit stressful at first, I didn’t like leaving Mingli, but now we have adjusted and it is getting better.  Mingli and Kaanas like spending time together and have gotten closer with all the father son time.  It is also nice for me to be out of the house more.  I go a little stir crazy sometimes cooped up all day.

I am an aunt now.  Roark and Anais had a little baby just before Halloween, I’m calling him Ebo.  He is 2 months old now and he is pretty cute.  Mingli is fascinated with him.  He just stares at him like he is the most amazing thing he has ever seen.  It is adorable.  We got to see them for a bit, then they moved to Indiana so Roark could work with our dad.

Things got really hard for a while with the miscarriage.  I thought they were getting better, but then it got so much worse.  I couldn’t move on.  Everything felt wrong.  I just thought about how different my life was supposed to be.  I felt like I was supposed to move on, to get on with my life, but part of me just refused.  My baby had died, how could I, as the baby’s mother, just move on and forget?  I got stuck.  I thought I was supposed to be grieving in a specific way, but grieving in that way was just making it harder.  I couldn’t move on and leave my baby behind, I just couldn’t.  I finally started seeing someone to get some help, and it helped so much.  I realized that the way I was trying to grieve wasn’t right for me.  I started doing things to help me remember my baby.  I started talking to my baby, and when I do I can feel my baby close to me.  I thought trying to do things to remember my baby would make it so I got stuck in grief, but it did the opposite.  When I feel sad now I do something to help me feel close to my baby, I let myself feel sad for a little bit, then I feel better and am able to live my life.  I am happy.  My baby’s due date was last week.  I thought it would be a sad day, but it wasn’t.  Instead of grieving I felt like celebrating.  In my church we believe that families can be together again after we die.  I believe this includes the baby I love.  I felt so grateful for this baby, and I look forward to the time when I can see my baby.

Mingli started nursery at church a few weeks ago.  I was nervous that he would cry or be really upset.  He did cry when I left the room, but I waited outside the door and it only took about 30 seconds for him to stop crying.  When Kaanas picked him up his teachers said he had been fine the whole time, just a little quiet.  The next Sunday Mingli didn’t even seem to notice when I left, even though I said bye to him (I know some people think it is easier for the child if you sneak out without them seeing, but I don’t like to do that because I feel like sends the message to the child that mommy and daddy can disappear at anytime, without any warning).  When I picked him up he was playing with blocks.  He didn’t notice when I came in, so I sat down beside him.  He looked at me, smiled, then went back to playing with his blocks.  He didn’t want to leave.  I was really relieved that Mingli is taking to nursery so well.  He loves being with other kids, and he doesn’t get that too much.  It is also easier on Sunday for Kaanas and me.  We teach a primary class with 5-6 year olds.  It was a bit difficult doing that with Mingli.  Now we can focus on our class and Mingli gets to have fun playing with toys, other kids, having singing time, and eating snacks.  It is great for all of us.

Well, that’s all I can think of right now.

Last day at church and some packing

Yesterday was our last day at our current ward in our church.  In our church you are assigned to a ward based on where you live.  We are only moving 10 minutes away, but our new apartment will be in a different ward.  We don’t know most people here very well, because we have only been here 4 months, but there were some people I was starting to become friends with.  It made me sad to say good bye to them.  We also had to say good bye to the class we teach.  Kaanas and I have been teaching a class of 3 year olds, and they are so much fun, but also crazy.  Church will be more relaxing when I can just go to adult Sunday school and relief society, but I will definitely miss our kids.

Today Kaanas is at work, so I am packing more stuff to get it ready to be taken to our apartment tonight when he gets home.  We also have someone from our ward coming and helping Kaanas move some furniture, so I am getting the furniture ready.  I want to have most of the house packed by the time Kaanas gets home, but we will see what happens.  For a while I had Mingli on the bed with toys while I packed up our bedroom, but every time he saw me he would start laughing and lunge for me.  I was getting a little frustrated, because I wanted him to stay in the middle of the bed so he was safest, but he kept trying to scoot towards me.  Then I realized how silly it was to be upset with my baby just because he loves me.  He was happy every time I would poke my head up from where I was sitting right beside the bed and just wanted to spend some time with me.  Once I realized this I decided the packing could wait until he was down for a nap, which would only be in about half an hour anyways, and I climbed up on the bed with him.  We cuddled and played with his toys, and it was totally worth the half hour of packing I missed out on.

Went to church

Kaanas and I have been struggling with going to church lately.  When I was pregnant most days I genuinely couldn’t, either because I was too nauseous or I was in too much pain, and Kaanas didn’t like leaving me home when I was so sick.  Now though we have gotten into a habit of not going, and it is hard.  After months of going only once or twice a month, and then usually not being able to stay for the whole thing when we did go, it now seems more acceptable to say we are too tired and will just go next week.  The thing is that it is now worse than when I was pregnant.  At least when I was pregnant we would go if there was any possible way, and then not leave until I absolutely couldn’t take it anymore.  Kaanas and I have talked about it and we decided that we really need to be going unless we really cannot.  So today even though we were really tired getting up, and had to be late because as we were walking out the door Mingli threw up and needed to be cleaned up and changed, we went and stayed for the whole thing.  It felt really nice to be there, it always does.