A few things

The last three days Kaanas has been home.  It has been wonderful having him home, but the reasons weren’t so great.  He was supposed to have Monday and today off, since he worked the weekend, but the Monday I was having a lot of anxiety, and that night my anxiety and depression got really bad.  Kaanas decided to stay home the next day so he could help me.  I felt so guilty about it, but it really did help.  I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband who is willing to use his sick days on me, instead of saving them for when he needs them.  We spent Kaanas’s days off doing some of the things around the apartment that have been contributing to my anxiety.  We got many of them done, and it has helped a lot.  Tomorrow Kaanas goes back to work, but I am feeling ok with that.  Sad because I have loved having him home, but the things he has helped me with have been wonderful and just what I needed.

Speaking of Kaanas, I haven’t posted about his addiction in a while.  Things were pretty hard for a while, but now they are so much better.  I realized today that it has been more than two weeks since he had any problems.  We are really trying to change some of the things in our lives that are contributing to the addiction, and it is helping.  Really addiction is just an unhealthy way of dealing with negative emotions.  We have been trying to help lessen those negative emotions by doing things like making sure we get enough sleep, and then find healthier ways of dealing with the negative emotions when they come up, like talking, reading, going for walks.  We are also doing an online program that Kaanas found online, found here, and it has been helping.  We are behind in it, but the videos are good and I think it is part of the reason we have been doing so well.  I know that this is still going to take a lot of work, and there will still be relapses in the future, but I really believe that things can keep getting better.  And our relationship is a lot better and easier when this isn’t such a problem.

This morning Mingli and I were playing.  He has a toy that is basically a spiral ramp, kind of like the circle slides at playgrounds, and you put a ball at the top and it rolls down in a circle.  It is split into different pieces, and each is in a different color.  I was pointing out the colors to him this morning, and I asked him where the blue was.  He picked up the blue ball and was so proud of himself.  Then I asked where the orange was.  There was no orange ball, but I expected him to point to the orange section of the ramp.  Instead he looked around, then went and got his orange train.  I thought that was so smart.  He is connecting colors in multiple contexts, and I think he is really getting it.  He is also bringing his toys to us for us to hug.  He holds them out to us and says hugs until we finally hug the toy.  I think it is super cute, even if sometimes I am busy and don’t feel like giving a plastic monkey multiple hugs until he is satisfied that the monkey feels loved enough.  He is really getting into his pretend play.


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