Going out by myself

Last night my church had a relief society activity.  For those of you who do not know what relief society is, it is the women’s organization in my church.  Every Sunday part of our church is a lesson with just the women, and about once a month we get together and have some kind of activity.  Last night we were having a speaker do a presentation, and then we were making a craft.  I was really excited about this, because I do not often get to hand out with a bunch of other women just by myself, without having to keep a baby entertained (I had not gone to a relief society activity since Mingli was born).  I was also really nervous, because the activity was right as Mingli was supposed to be going to bed, and Mingli absolutely does not go to sleep if he is not nursing (we are working on it, but it is taking a little bit of time), so I knew it would be a bit stressful for Kaanas trying to watch him.  Kaanas had told me multiple times that it was fine, that he could handle it, and I trusted him, I knew they would be ok, but I felt selfish doing something for myself when I knew it would be hard for Mingli and Kaanas.  At the same time I know that I need to be doing more stuff like this.  I have been having a lot of depression lately, and getting out helps a lot.  So I went.  I felt anxious about Mingli and Kaanas, and I checked my phone obsessively, but I also had so much fun.  I felt so happy, and I needed it so much.  When I got home, two hours after Mingli should have been asleep, he was still up, but he was playing with his daddy and not screaming.  I am so glad that I have a husband who is willing to watch our baby while I go out, even if it is difficult.

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